Triage at Dawn

I'm just so tired.

So tired of this all.

It's so boring that this can't be even real, seriously. I have just sat here at home and literally done nothing. And now when I have been nagging about it here, now my parents then say that I COULD go to Turku if I wish... YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT LIKE... 8 HOURS EARLIER, THANK YOU. <3

I'm sorry, but I'm just so pissed and angered at the same time that it doesn't make even sense.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

Percussion Gun

Tomorrow is going to be a hell of a doomsday personally for me. But In a good way. Everything is going to change tomorrow, and I can finally start over, and breathe again. And On Sunday I can wake up and say "I survived." No, this is not about the cosplay group I am in, it's about a small thing I have been struggling for way too long with. And Now It's finally set and done. So Goodbye, I guess, and welcome good new life!

It feels slightly unreal, and on the same time it just feels amazing and Fantastic! What else could I ever wish for? So, I'll post pictures here on Monday then of Desucon, and things like that... SO stay tuned! (or actually you better stay tuned or I'll send a couple of Daleks there to extrerminate you!) A good deal? Good!

So, about the pictures, I'll be posting a lot of Scout's mom cosplay pictures here, as well of my Doctor Cosplay. I'm actually more excited about cosplaying the doctor than cosplaying as Scout's mom... Or well, to be all honest; I am not into Team Fortress 2 anymore, so that's may be the first reason why I find it very boring to cosplay TF2. But, I guess that's a hell of a good reason, right?

And come on! Look at this picture below!! 

It's MADE OF WIN. So I think you know now why I love Doctor Who so much. xDD These gifs are seriously murdering me. I should someday just share all my Doctor Who Gifs with you guys... Someday when I just feel like to do so, and shit like that. But now he's at least Ginger. As He wished. 

So, That was all for today... There's not much to say, not much to hope about not much I really expect of Desucon. Or at least I'm more than happy that Nemo can attend!! C: So, See you later!!

–TA

So Happy I could Die

My life did just change completely. 

I'm so damn happy that I could die.

So So Happy.

And I mean it!

I'll get to study at Axxell Pargas to become a cosmetologist!!

This feels so unreal!! This feels like... I actually is alive more than ever! I've been like crying for 1 hour now because of happiness!! I'll get to move out, and to start a new life!! I'M SO HAPPY THAT IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

For what else could I ever ask for?? The moment when I saw my name in the list I was like "...Oh... My.... GOD. THIS CAN'T BE TRUE!!"

And what wouldn't be better than go to Desucon and celebrate this amazing fact that I'll have a future again!!

This was a very short blog, but I guess it's alright!

I love you guys, and thank you for all your support!!

–TA

A Whovian for Life.

Oh yes, now I want to declare to you, that I am a Whovian. So prepare for a 

DOCTOR WHO BLOG ENTRY TODAY.

This entry will be about

• Doctor Who (d'uh.)
• Cosplay
• Episodes
• More cosplay rambling
• Pairings
• Slash (Doctor Who Slash mostly)
• Funny Doctor Who Videos
• Doctor Who Related Music

So, Shall we get started then? I guess it's better that we start this and get over with it then as well!

It's a Doctor Who Jubilee blog! 

(because I finished my Doctor cosplay, apparently.)

So, well, I guess we get then started. I want to share to you, how I began to watch Doctor who, and things like that, How I become a Whovian. I think it's important for you to know who I am, and why I actually become  a hell of a Whovian what I am today. 

 Apparently, my interest for Doctor Who was quite small when I first saw some pictures of  Doctor Who cosplays in a library book named "Cosplay Fever", and actually; The 10th doctor really caught my eye, and I thought the character seemed very cool. This happened around one year ago. But well, then I just forgot all about it, and didn't really look up for it either.

Or well actually; I looked up Doctor Who from youtube, but I just actually was more confused than excited over the Doctor Who back then, I wasn't either sure if it was Doctor Who in question. But well, then it just got a bit buried down.

Until now.

I can actually say that my Interest for this show was quite random. I was getting very bored of Team Fortress 2, so A friend of mine said that I should try out to find something else to do; Like for example look at a TV show like south Park or something. But Well, I don't really like south Park, so that's why I didn't start again watching that show. (Trust me, I have been a hell of a fan of South Park, Even cosplayed a lot of SP characters.) 

So, Who can I blame for the fact that I become a Whovian? I could maybe say that It's thanks to Nemo who I met on deviantART. She really likes Doctor Who, and thru her art and stuff about Doctor Who my interest to Doctor Who was woken up. Then I started to look up on the internet if I could watch Doctor Who episodes for free, and apparently I found a couple of websites where I could watch Doctor Who for a limited time though (Until I found out that there's a website called iwatchdoctorwho.com). 

So, then I began to watch doctor who, and I become overly obsessed with it very quick. And I'm actually very very glad that I become a Whovian, since this fandom isn't yet ruined, and that's what really warms my heart. I have been in many fandoms where they have completely destroyed the fandoms; As Crash Bandicoot, Team Fortress 2, South Park and now currently overly obsessed fangirls are ruining the fandom of Left for Dead. Sad, isn't it? I really wish that people will take good care of this fandom, and that they wouldn realize that if we go on destroying fandoms, Everything becomes like shit in our life, all the things we have enjoyed to do turns to things we hate to do.  And that's something what we don't want, Right? As I assumed.

Sad and awkward, isn't it? That some of the fans doesn't realize that they're going too far at some points. But anyway, I guess you know all this rambling about original characters and Mary Sueing around? Good, I don't need to take that up as a subject then. 

So well, Some of you most probably wonder who's my favorite Doctor, or Doctors? Since I haven't yet found the traditional (or classic) Doctor Who, so I have to stick or well, write it down in order.

1. 10th Doctor
2. 9th Doctor
3. 11th Doctor

 So well, this is the order I like the doctors. It's quite usual that everyone likes the 10th best... But I'm not yet actually so sure which one I like the best. They're so different from each other and I like them all equally. 

Or to be all honest, (I don't see a reason to lie) I didn't like the 9th doctor in the beginning, it felt a bit like... He was completely normal, didn't stick out that much as the other doctors did, but Then When I re-watched the 1st season where the 9th doctor was, I realized that I was just being stupid. The 9th doctor is just amazing, and it's a shame that there's not many who likes him that much, or adore him. Or even know that the actor is Christopher Eccleston, and doesn't even know that he has been and acting as the Doctor. Or well, this is just according to my fellow finnish Whovians, they didn't know that it was Christopher Ecclestion who was the actor of the Doctor in Doctor Who. Quite sad, isn't it?

Some people has been asking me about what is my favorite episodes of Doctor Who, and if I could , I'd reply I love all the episodes, but I think I will be a bit more specific than that, and think this through.

I really love the episode named "Blink", even though the Doctor isn't so much 'around' during that episode of DW, but somewhat the idea of the fact that Statues would be alive, it's just splendid, isn't it? So well, I got to admit that I really enjoyed that episode. This is though very hard to pick just one and say that it's your favorite one. I really enjoyed as well "Idiot's Lantern" too... So, I guess I gotta say that all these episodes are special in their own way. Which one is your favorite Episode of Doctor who?

So, I guess I'll move on from this, to Cosplay.

As some of you already know (They who is friends with me on Facebook most probably already know), I have finished my 10th Doctor cosplay, and the only things what are actually missing is the Sonic Screwdriver and the wallet for the psyched paper. But I guess I'll survive with the Wallet. (I'm going to borrow one. LoL.) And a friend of mine is doing a pocket tardis, so I could always ask her if I may borrow her TARDIS for Desucon.

Apparently I don't have my camera at home, so the Pictures of my cosplay have to wait a couple of days more. Sorry about that. I'll be updating them then here when I have gotten them. 

And I'm actually very happy that I have found some people who's actually going to do Doctor Who cosplays and who want to cosplay with me. As long as I know, one of my Friends are going to do a Dalek cosplay, An other one is going to do a Rose cosplay, and my friend (Who's going to do the pocket TARDIS) is going to cosplay as the TARDIS. Guess what would be epic? If somebody cosplayed as the Master. I love the Master, he's just amazing, in an amazingly insane way. Haha, I guess everyone else loves him for that reason as well.

But I guess it's just a question about that I should just look somebody willing to cosplay as the Master, and I guess there's always somebody. I could always talk with a couple of cosplay friends of mine if they want to do something Doctor Who related someday. It might work, who Knows.

It's actually quite amazing that there's not that much who actually cosplays as the master or as the 9th doctor. I have just seen a couple of good ones, and the rest has been a bit... Questionable. Y'know, Sometimes I wonder if people just don't get cosplay at all, and just believes that  a pair of 3-D glasses makes you into a 10th Doctor cosplay... It requires a lot more. In my eyes at least it does. I don't know about you then.  But I guess that's my opinion about it as well. 

 I wish that there would be a bit more Whovians in Finland, who'd be happy to have a couple of Doctor Who meetings or Photoshootings, and... Yeah, just sit and talk about Doctor Who! How cool wouldn't that be? But I guess there's a bit too less of the Whovians who would be interested to meet people like themselves around here. Luckily I know a couple of Whovians and people who likes to Watch Doctor Who. Or at least to cosplay as someone from DW.

And oh yes, Of course, A couple of more Doctor Who cosplayers would be pretty neat actually, I just wish it wouldn't become so damn mainstream as the Hetalia did or as how Famous Kuroshitsuji is. But I guess it's never going to become such a boom as Hetalia and Kuroshitsuij become. It's quite funny actually, some people know Doctor Who, and some hasn't ever heard of it. And it's very funny; My mommy has watched Doctor Who when she was a child. Hooray for Whovian family. Or well, there's just two of us. Derp. But you get the picture!

And I actually mentioned that I had gotten a haircut,Right? Like the 10th Doctors? Oh yeah, I love this haircut, But It's SLIGHTLY too short, so I have to wait a couple of weeks/months before it's in the right length and I'm happy with it. But luckily My cosplay isn't yet debuted, even though I'm attending the Desucon as the Doctor. Originally it was meant that I'd attend Tracon as the Doctor but... What the fuck? I just hope it's not going to be a extremely hot convention, or otherwise I'm literally going to die thanks to the heat. I would be more than okay if it would be raining. Trolololo.

And oh, Forgot to mention; Sometimes the Americans are better at cosplaying than the Japanese. I'm just saying. You can see the difference in the picture above.

Aand, I guess it's time to move on from cosplay; And If you want to cosplay alongside with me; Feel free to take contact, and tell me who you'd going to cosplay as. (lolscootftw@gmail.com)

So, The next subject is; Pairings and Slash! Some of you most probably at this point is rolling your eyes, and some of you are overly excited. This is a subject and a matter of fact what usually ruins an amazing fandom and all. People usually loves to make own characters and pair them up with somebody of all the 11 doctors. But Actually, I'm against this. I don't like it at all, But I do enjoy some pairings, as 9/10 Doctor x Rose, since it's obvious (and at some points I just see them as having a Brother Sister relationship, to be all honest.) And of the Slash pairings I love Simms!Master x 10th Doctor, since it's again so obvious. But I do like Jack x Doctor as well, but not as much as I like the Master and Doctor pairing.It's so many pairings., and so much to choose between. Actually, I have been wondering, What do you think about OC x Doctor pairings? For myself I like it as long as the OC isn't a fucking mary sue or a Slut. And to be all honest; I kind of doubt that the Doctor does look at anyone that way, or even have time for any forms of romances. I'm just saying.  But doesn't mean that we couldn't enjoy these pairings and all, eh? And actually, It's very nice to see a bi-sexual character for once! (The doctor is bi-sexual.) And I do think it's a good way to express that it's alright to be gay, and it doesn't matter, love is love, and nothing else!

Buuut then again, I wonder where this fandom is going. 

As art this picture is splendid, and I like it in every single way... But. People, Seriously? Doctor x TARDIS? To be more specific ---> Doctor x Police box. Okay okay, I know the TARDIS is alive and it has a soul and all, but... Please, stop humanizing everything you see. And I won't post here any Doctor x Dalek pictures since I think it's going a bit too far. They're at least for god's sake enemies! And not for that; I wonder how the fuck they can have some 'fun' in the adult way? If somebody can explain to me that, then I'm all fine with these damn weird pairings. 

But oh well, we all have our own urges and needs, so I don't blame anyone for liking doctor x dalek or doctor x tardis, I'm all fine with it as long as they don't come and tell me to like, since I don't like it, so; Get over it. I'm more into the pairings which makes sense. I'm sick of the weird as pairings I experienced during the fandom of Team Fortress 2. 

And an other funny fact, I usually like the homosexual relationships better than the straight ones, but not with Doctor Who; It's vise versa. But I guess it's a matter of fact; I'm thinking realistically.  But I do not like Doctor x Martha.... I just... I'm sorry. In my eyes it doesn't work that well. But then Again, In other's eyes it might work daaamn well!

I think it's more about the fact that what we enjoy to see, eh?

I want to share you a couple of nice slash videos apparently.

So weell, Here I go!

I literally laughed so damn hard when I watched this for the first time; But this isn't all!

This is just getting better, I guess? But I guess I could now put a list of videos worth to watch down below.

I can just say, that I'd be extremely careful when you watch these, since they have a quite a lot of perverted humor but... I don't think you mind.

And be warned; These clips might contain Spoilers, if you don't want to yet know what is going to happen in the coming doctor who seriers, please, do Not watch. But these contains as well Bloopers.

I guess this sounds like a deal for you, right?

And so... I guess this was all for this time; And I wish you had a nice time reading this small blog of mine! Please leave a comment if you wish, and share your thoughts of Doctor Who and links and stuff. Everything is welcome!

Bye for now!

–TA

My printer is possessed by a demon!

And now it just prints out schitzophrenic David Tennants. This kind of means that I'm screwed. Why the hell had this shit collapse TODAY?! Why not tomorrow or something like that? I need this images for the reference for the hairdressers... Humm... Well, I think I'll come up with a plan... Somehow. A bit annoying though.

So, tonight I'll just write down a couple of personal life updates, so If you're not interested, no need to read. 

I'm feeling rather ill, my head aches massively, and I'm realizing things about people I hadn't realized before about. Like what a bunch of liars the most of them are, and how they just backstab me all the time without me noticing a thing. Oh well, that's good, but now when I'm actually paying attention to it? Not good at all, I guess.

And I'm seriously soon gonna have it with one ''guy''. Please; You don't need to be here and try to make me like you a bit more than I do. I don't like you. That's all, so fuck off, and leave me alone. I don't need your comments, I don't need your favs, I don't need your hearts. You don't even miss me a bit. But well, I think you're never going to realize anything during your life time.

And my Elder sister and mother left today to Bulgary... And I already miss them a lot... Feels slightly empty. Or well, that might be caused by hunger then again, and I shouldn't be writing this blog, I should be eating and going to bed... Early morning tomorrow, gotta be at the hairdressers at 12 o'clock, waste there three hours of my life, and then head for the second hand shops by bike. I fucking hate to ride the bike, but what other choice do I have? Nothing else I guess.

But well... I'm feeling a bit blue and dissapointed. Some people are really breaking my heart at some points. But I won't give in. I'm strong and I know that. i survived 6 years of being bullied, why wouldn't I survive being betrayed by friends now?

Not all of you, of course are any of these betrayals, but a few of you are. And you know who you are as well.

But oh well...

What I have been doing all day has been this: Gone to my work to get some of the gear I need, go and say hi to my sister, come home, watch at doctor who and then at South Park and just do nothing. I've forgotten to do a lot of things, But I guess I have to do them tomorrow instead... Now I'm too tired and my head is about to explode... 

But well... See you around I guess?

And it's always heartwarming that I have now 8 readers. I'm gonna die as happy when I've reached 10 readers. 

–TA

I wanna be just Like You

Cosplay rambling again ahead! 

So well, actually I have got quite far with my Doctor cosplay, and by this time I'm quite sure that I'll be going to cosplay as the doctor in Desucon on sunday.

I'll get a haircut next wednesday, and I'm all excited and nervous on the same time. I'm going to cut it like David Tennant's hairstyle,

Dye my hair blonde

and then Brown.

I'm a bit scared that my hair will die, but since it's going to be quite more shorter from my current hair, so... It's not much I'm going to have to blonde. 

And I'm so so happy that my mommy pays it for me. Or well, I have to pay it later back to her as a loan, but well. Whatever, I need some money for the suit for my doctor cosplay so... I'm just thankful that we came up with this plan so.. yeah!

But anyway, Some coat imagery, ey?

I know the buttons I have for this jacket is a bit missmatched, but when I have more money and time, I'll change them. And yes, this jacket is 100% wool, so I'm going to die during the convention, just as a by the way. But I guess that's all okay for the god's sake. The suit I'm wearing in this image is mainly my Spy suit, which I used to my Spy cosplay from Team Fortress 2. Or originally I were supposed to wear it at my confirmation, but since the clergymen seemed quite homophobic and narrow minded, I changed my mind the day before my confirmation. I don't need any angry clergymen after me telling me I'm going to hell. 

Okay, don't mind this weird photo manipulation, it was very quick, and this computer is very very slow to show the results... So sometimes I have these kinds of surprises. But well, can't help it, it kind of cracked me up though.

But anyway, the tie I'm wearing for this cosplay isn't the right kind of, so I have couple of things to buy I see... Or make of course. Let's see... All I need is:

• Suit (Jacket + pants)
• Tie
• Sonic screwdriver 

And then ladies and gentlemen, no one is safe from me anymore...

 

 
"Wanna check out my TARDIS?"

 

Okay okay, I'm off from this computer before I really start to creep you out. 

But anyway, I hope you are okay, and that you enjoy your graduation tomorrow, I'm going to graduate the junior high tomorrow, and I'm excited and sad on the same time... It's a bit sad since... I'm not going to see my classmates ever again afterwards.. Okay, after 10-20 years maybe... But it feels like eternity, and some of the guys from my class has been very cool and nice, and some of them has been very shitty and just complete assholes against me. But well, I think people will grow up a bit when they get a work to do and all. 

I guess that was for today then, eh?

Have a nice day!

–TA

A whole New World

It took a while for me to update, eh?

Well, soon is junior high behind, and I feel happy and relieved. 

I survived my three worst years of my life.

I'm alive.

And I'm more than happy.

I can finally start over, and live my life as I want to, I don't need to pretend no more that I'm somebody else than what I am. This feels actually pretty good.

And oh yeah, some updates about my Doctor Cosplay, I'll get my hair cut in next week as the doctor's and I'll go to the second hand stores one more time to look for the suit for this, and if I find the suit and tie, then I'll be coming to Sunday as the Doctor.

The doctor is in. Hehe.

But anyway, I have a song for you,

A song really can tell you how I feel atm. It's mostly the melody, but I guess you get my point, loves.

Here you go. Listen, and smile alongside with me. 

I'm really really happy.

I love you guys. Thank you for being here for me.

-TA

Dude was Probably Gay

Okay, I gotta dmit that I'm listening to some of Ray William Johnson's songs meanwhile writing this blog entry. And I sadly happened to delete all the comments on my fucking blog. Fuck you blogspot, why can't I use you properly?! Anybody willing to tell me/share me how to use this shit? I don't have a clue how to reply on the comments and such.... So? Eh?  yeah. But anyway, as I promised....

10th Doctor Cosplay wig progression imagery

So, as I promised! Heeere we go! I'll have some comments about how I did a couple of things, so this is some sort of tutorial thing on the same time. So, well? Shall we get started then?

So, this is the first phrase of the wig, I just had received it in the mail, and it was instant love with this wig! It is all smooth and lovely and all, so I actually were wearing this wig at school at the very next day, and no one really could tell if it were my real hair or a wig. But anyway, It was a hard decision to make; To style this wig or not. So I decided that I'll style this one, and later on order on similiar which I won't style or cut in any form. So well... I am not cutting my own hair for this cosplay. But anyway, I wanted to censor my derpy face. So yeah.

And now this picture then again shows how I did the cutting; Layer by layer I went on for a couple of Hours, before I actually did the 'mohawk' like part in this styling. It's actually pretty fun to do, but on the same time it felt like my heart were sinking in my chest. Such a lovely wig, and I had to sacrifice it for cosplay... but by time I'll have again enough money to order an other one which I won't cut as brutally as I did with this wig. <3 Rest in peace lovely wig! 

Okay, so At this point I had 'built up' the mohawk like part, which shows a bit long in this picture, but since I hadn't yet cut it, so that's the reason why this looks more like a... Reqular hairstyle, indeed. But anyway, I have still some work to do on the sides of this wig, since I'm not too happy with it yet, but by time, and when I have more motivation for it. I really wish I'd get that pair of hair cutting scissors I saw at the second hand store today. They were around 30 euros, but It would be actually very hand because of styling these fucking wigs and cosplay. But well, for as long I'll be just fine with the kitchen scissor and the paper scissor I have. Oh these days. Sometimes I actually use nail cutting scissors as well, but it's not that usual though...

But let's move on!

Aaaand here we have the result! Please notice; This is not yet done, nooo... not at all, I need a bit more styling on this wig, but I'm getting there slowly. I have been working currernly on this wig around 3-4 hours, and A couple of more hours or days are awaiting me. So well, I'm quite happy with the result, and acutally I found out that this wig wasn't as high quality as I had expected; The layers are easily showing, so I have to come up with something for that. But well, any form of advice is welcome! And well, I am still working on the doctor like expressions and all, and I can say it's quite hard.

And an other funny fact; I didn't pay attention what shirt I were wearing; so This shirt just did an amazing cameo appearence. So well, The shirt is saying "Trust me, I'm a Doctor." Coincedence, Eh?

Something I wanted to share with you about the make up; I did these sideburns as well, since the doctor has sideburns! *gets hit by a fish*

So well, I am still practicing doing these sideburns, and to be all honest, that hair what I used for the sideburns is the synthetic hair I cut off from the wig... So I acutally saved it up, since I can use it for make-up and such. So, here's the result. At least it is the same colour as my wig!

And check out my flesh plug! <3 It's 10 mm! Finally! I wish it were larger, but actually; because of cosplay I won't do it larger.I though know already how to counceal piercings properly, just ask me about it, and I can give you a couple of hints :) But anyway! MOOOVING OOOON FOR THE 100th TIME!

Just talking about derpy expressions, I should be winning the cold for this. Not. The expressions and the acts are still on progress, and I can say it's quite difficult to full fill these kinds of things and all, and I just noticed as well that the mohawk like thing in this wig is still a bit too long... More cutting ahead, alonsy! But I'm willing to do so and all...

Oh well, I guess that was all for today.

I'm over and out!
–TA

PS. Not amused doctor is not amused.

Just Please.

So sorry about the fact that I haven't been able to update here in a couple of days, but I have been extremely tired, so that's the main reasons why I haven't been very inspired to do anything. So, That pretty much explains everything.

This past week has been quite not so nice as I had expected,  but what can I do? Nothing much about it I guess... So uh, let's not talk about that. I'm just sick of thinking about school and all the crap it has to come and give to me. And the fact that my back is all fucked up again doesn't help at all. But well, what can I do about that? Nothing really, just have to get it fixed somewhat before desucon, I guess.  But that's what you get, I guess.

And the fact that I'm not actually at all inspired to go to Desucon... Just doesn't feel right at all. And on the second hand, it's literally from arsle that my boyfriend cannot attend there. Seriously. FFFUUUUCK.  And since I'm all the time tired, and my health is all fucked up at the moment, so I'm not actually that excited anymore. 

Since the reason why I wanted to go there doesn't come there. And of course that my boyfriend doesn't attend. 

FUCK IT.

I'm moving to Alaska. 

Still yet again I only wish. 

Sometimes it actually feels like moving away from here would be just the right answer, just forget everything what has happened, and take everything over again. It just feels a bit like I'm walking in circles. But maybe this is just one phrase I'm going through? And Next autumn I'll already be kind of moved off from home and all, and started over and will meet new people; amazing or awful. I don't know, I just wish it's the first option though. 

And I'll be uploading some stuff about my Doctor cosplay in the next Blog entry I'll write here, And It will only include about wig stylisation, and how I did it... So If you're interested, so stay just tuned, and you'll get some tips for wig styling and all, And I'll perhaps begin to take some wig comissions... I'll think about it.

Or what do you think? Should I start doing wig comissions? Do you think my wig skills would be good enough to satisfy orders and customers?

And soo.

I guess that was all for today. 

Take care, and I'm sorry for whining again. xDD just felt like doing it again.

Bye byee!

–TA

Masquerade

Helloo Fräuelins! <3

How are you doing this particullary amazing day?

For myself, I'm doing just great, had an amazing weekend at a friends place, and Gawd. We had a lot of fun!

Chinese heavymetal band.

That pretty much explains the stuff we were doing and watching and so on. xD Anyway, I had an amazing day, and can't wait to see her again! Luckily it's not much to go, and then it's desucon and then I can start literally over, since I don't have to see that one fucker afterwards. The last Time I ever have to see that person, and then I can breathe out and live my life as I want to. Not as someone else wants me to.  

FUCK YEAAAAAHH!!!

So yeah, I am waiting for desucon a lot, so well, I guess the majority knows by this time why! Partay then on sunday at Desucon xDD

But anyway, I am pretty tired at the moment, and I will be posting soon some progress images of my Doctor cosplay I am working on, and I am soon done with my Keith cosplay as well. I just have to get some beard stuff and my wig in the mail and send here a WIP picture of that then... Man, Can't wait. It feels like eternity for things to come in the mail, which seriously sucks dalek ass.

So... I guess this was more like a updation that I am still alive?

Oh yeah.

So, How have you been doing? I've missed you guys.

That was all for today, so... See you later! I'll be updating more when I have more to say and share with you. 

–TA

Anger Swells in My Guts

vituttaa lievästi. Ja itkettää.

Tää ei oo enää kivaa, mä en jaksaisi päivää enemmän kuunnella noitten tappelua, ja varsinkin sitä en jaksa että kiittämättömyys on maailmalle kiitos. Kuinka reilua on, että olet raatanut 2 tuntia putkeen, imuroinut koko talon, pessy vessan, putsannu pölyt helvettiin ja ottanut pari taukoa, ja jopa pistänyt ne saatanan matot paikalleen. Kiitoksena tuli sitten se, että mä en kuulemma saa sitten ne rahat tästä työstä sen takia, että en jaksanu tota yhtä vessaa pestä. Siis aivan oikeasti.

Sitten, sisko tulee kotiin pauhaamaan kuinka vitun raskas päivä sillä on ollut koulussa, ja alkaa vinee jostain saatanan veloista. Mä en edes jaksa enää, Hyvä kun ei ikinä muisteta niitä asioita mitä joskus olen tarjonnu; Smartista hiuslakkaan. Joskus ihmisten pitäisi vähän ajatella, ja tehdä vastapalvelus ja olla valittamatta.

Noh... Ei kai tässä mitään enempää ole. Meen varmaan nyt nukkumaan ja itkemään jonnekkin nurkkaan rauhaan. Tää ei ikinä lopu; Tää huono olo vaan yltyy ja yltyy... Onneksi on niitä päiviä, jotka helpottavat kummallisesti sitä fiilistä, ne päivät jotka saa mut haluamaan jatkamaan pari päivää lisää.

Joskus olisi ihan jees jos olis vain joku keksitty hahmo, ei tarvis ainakaan kärsiä yhtä paljon... tai noh... En tiiä.

Mutta kuitenkin...

Ei tässä mitään kummallisempaa...

Meen tästä helvettiin.

Heippaa

–TA

A way of Lifestyle

Hello there, my fellow friends and bloggers.

I haven't been blogging too much lately, but that has been mostly because of the fact that I have been busy as hell, and there has been a lot going on in school, and as well as in the cosplay front.

At the moment I'm working on two different cosplays, Keith from left 4 dead 2, and Doctor from the legendary TV show, Doctor who. (the 10th doctor, of course.) But well, so... What can I say about that? I'm currently working on the overalls and some stuff for Doc and Keith. Soo.... Yeah! And a lotsa planning and psycing progresses going on, and things like that what belongs to the thing, alonsy. 

Well maybe the not so funny part is; that people has noticed that I have changed a bit; Well, what can I do? I want to do a good cosplay, and become a good actor on my free time, so I really have to try out a couple of things in real life and all, it's important. But anywhat, it doesn't mean that I am thinking thru a character, I'm just trying a couple of ways of how the character would say it and all, so don't worry, I'm all fine, honestly! :)

But anyway, It will be a long pause though

I have a lot to do, and I can't update on the weekend, I'm going to Helsinki to Ms_puppet, and we're gonna have fun all weekend long! 8D Can't wait to see her again, i haven't seen her in ages. or at least it feels like it. Yeah. And of course, I will see my beloved Minnuli again as well <3

And actually, wanted to mention; I were at the kultajuhlat in Helsinki, and it was ogaay. even Though I and Minna never really went to the square place but maan... The shopping centre was so fucking empty. I haven't EVER seen that place as empty as that time. It was almost scary.

But Anywaaay.

Off to work on cosplays and listen to amazing music, alonsys. 

Adíos, amigos!

–TA

Anti–Love

So well, today we had our team fortress 2 picnic meeting, and actually I had expected that it would have given an opportunity for us to re-unite with our little group, but actually, I have now proven myself twice, that it doesn't work, the group has two inner groups in it, and well.. Good or Bad? I can't tell, it doesn't really matter for me, I'm all fine with it. But meh, sometimes I wish I weren't so invisible, you see, It just feels like that people like that one little act I keep up, not the one who I am: The silent little girl who thinks a lot. But whatever, I actually enjoy my peace, so I could actually as well ask myself why the fuck am I having a big group like that up? Well, anyway, I'm happy I'm not the only one who's actually keeping us together, the group has some sort of... Democracy. People can make their own opinions heard, and that's what I think is most important part. 

And I feel like a bad person for being so mean for some people, but that's just one part of my nation, and I'm very glad that I actually have the ability to be a little bit of a bitch. Everyone needs some inner bitches, life wouldn't work otherwise I think. 

”A beautiful soul

A beautiful mind

A beautiful human-being

who isn't actually a

Human-Being

A beautiful soul

A beautiful mind

A beautiful Angel.”

So but well anywhat, maybe I should go on.

The meeting itself went amazingly on, even though I felt like to throw up a couple of times and had an amazing headache and all, and I have to actually say; Thanks to the bad things I do... I should really quit I think. But oh man, I am glad it didn't become a migrain or anything then the meeting would have been more fucked up, it was already enough that I had forgotten mine cough medicine and calming ones, but oh, I survived! Here I am writting this blog and feeling rather good, but well, my back is aching like hell, and I am worried that it's actually something more serious.

And one other thing I would like to mention before I start to stop writing this blog entry is that... I'm scared of cancer... I'm afraid that I will become a girl with most probably lung cancer... I remember the warnings the doctor gave me a couple of years ago when I had some problems with my throath, that if I ever start smoking that it can actually become some sort of lung or throath cancer... 

How Could I even forget that?!

My best friend died in cancer last fall, Jonsu, she was supposed to be on our cosplay group, or well, she would have wanted but since her cancer she never managed to be a part of the team fortress 2 group of mine... She told me back then she loved the role play games  we had with a couple of friends of mine at the playground for da lulz was amazing, and she was one of the most amazing Sniper cosplayers I have ever seen. "AAA SEE MEHUKATTI SAAAAATANAAA!!" Legendary line indeed. So I will be scanning here some of her drawings I have left from her, like a memorial... and actually, this team fortress 2 group for me is more like personally like... Cherising the memory of Jonna Lehtinen. Oh man I am all teary when I write this blog, maybe I should just switch subject? I'm going to most probably write some more about her, since I want everybody to know what an amazing person she was, and how much she meant for me. She was one of the persons who made my day even better.May she Rest in Peace <3

But anyway, A good meeting, and I'm happy everything went well... Next stop is then Desucon.... Let's see if It will be as nice as I have expected.

–JB 

love yourself?

One of the hardest parts for me what I have to struggle everyday with: Self accpetance. 

Is it just like that and then you have accpeted yourself and all the lacks you have? No, I don't think so. I feel ugly. I feel stupid. And the worst of all, I feel like a complete slut for trying to be someone else than I am. I just want to be beautiful, okay? For example, today, I have been looking for clothes I would be wearing at the next meeting of ours, but I haven't found anything. I have went thru my closet of all clothse and everything, but no... Nothing. So I will go downtown quickly and try to find one white long sleeved shirt for my clothing for Saturday, but I doubt that it won't satisfy my feelings about my looks.

My hair looks stupid. My face looks stupid and the worst of all: My body. I hate it. I just would love to cut my body into pieces and die. Honestly. Why can't I be pretty and thin as my sisters for example??

Sorry about this, but I felt like to want to write it down... No matter how much make-up I have on, or how much I would stand in front of the mirror and try to make myself look somewhat beautiful... I always fail. Every single time.And it feels like people are just lying to me about my looks and tells me I'm pretty, but that's the thing, I'm not. 

Some people just can't be beautiful. Someone has to be the ugly fuck in a family and friendships, and it just happens to be me. So be happy that you're blessed and is more attractive than I am.

But anyway... Somewhat feels already better that I got the chance to write my thoughts down about my looks and body, it really helped me a lot... Now I just need to wait until my hair gets some length, and that I would have enough money to buy shoes and one white long sleeved shirt for Saturday...

I really wish that saturday will be okay, since I'm not in a way too good mood or emotionally stabile at the moment, it's so much going on and it just feels like no one really understands how it can feel like that you try to desperately find something what you can't have. And for me it is: Beauty.

JB

Frickin' fatcakes.

Oh man, It's soo boring at the moment, I have been washing off some windows and It has been so daaamn booooriiiing. Well actually I am waiting for Saturday, so I will be able to post here some pictures of my make-ups and all, since I'm a very very shy and lazy person when it comes to post pictures, I do have pictures what I could post here and stuff, but then again I don't have the courage to do it. .___.

But anyhow, Actually, everything is at the moment very very good! Soon is time for the Zombie Walk in Helsinki, but I don't know if I'm going to attend, since I don't have anybody to go with there, so I think I'll pass. But anyway, to them who want to know when the Zombie walk is, so it's 14th of May. I don't know where it starts and what time, but I know then it's time for the Zombie walk, so you can gather together a brain eating Zombie crew and attend to the walk and meet other Zombies! Oh man, Now I really wish I had the crew/money/time to go there. But then again I just have the ”Zack Lockwood” Costume, and I want to be even more grosser Zombie than I was at Halloween. Oh man.  Something like this actually! 

Okay, the Make up itself wouldn't be so hard to do, but the costume would be very expensive and all, and the fake blood, since the fake blood I have, is rather old at this point, so I don't want to use it just because over the fact that I am a bit scared what cosequences it might bring with it. It's never good to use too old products, it's always good to update your make-ups once in a while! That then again reminds me that I should buy new white contact lenses for next Halloween and begin to already plan my next Zombieness for this year! Can't wait for Halloween, it's one of my favorite Holidays to be all honest. :)

But yes, It's not much going on, so I'll update later on. Please tell about my blog to people you know who likes Zombies, Fashion, Make-up and stuff like that, I'd love to have some more readers and all! :)

Love,

JB

Oh the days.

On se kyllä aika jännää, Mä, joka vannoin että en ikinä tule kirjoittamaan Blogia, niin tässä sitä ollaan, blogin kera. Jotenkin on vain sellainen olo, että tämä tulee kanssa helpottamaan jonkin verran, ja että saan kirjoitettua tänne hieman omia ajatuksia, ja asioita mitä on käynyt, tosin en tule kirjoittamaan paljon mitään mun ongelmista tänne, sillä olen sitä mieltä, että sitä ei muut tarvitse tietää, että mitä ihmeen ongelmia minulla on ja sen sellaista.

Ja toki varmaan tuun kanssa lisäilemään tänne jotain random lyricsei, kuvia, sun muuta shaibaa mitä on tullut tehtyä tässä viime aikoina ja kaikkea muuta jännää mitä muita ihmisiä ei oikeasti kiinnosta.

Mutta kuitenkin.

On ollut aivan hieno viikko, vaikka en ole ollut liian terve tai mitään, mutta ainahan se piristää että on joku vieras meidän luonamme, ja oppia lisää toisista kulttuureista ja tutustua uusiin ihmisiin. Tällä Kertaan Italialaiseen, Monica Bassaaniin.

Hän on todellakin ollut tosi mukava, ja toivon, että hän pääsee uudestaan Suomessa käymään, tosin en sitten tiedä, mutta ainahan voi toivoa. Matkat kun toki maksaa jonkin verran ja sitten se riippuu ihan, jos on aikaa ja muutenkin inspiraatiota tulla Suomessa käymään. :) Ellei sitten itse jaksais raahata persettä Italiaan.

Mutta kuitenkin ajattelin lisätä sen verran, että tulen kirjoittamaan tosin Joko suomeksi, ruotsiksi tai Englanniksi, aika varmasti kallistuu tuohon Englantiin, kun en osaa mitään muuta kieltä yhtä hyvin kuin juuri sitä, niin en halua nolata itseeni sillä, että typotan koko blogin läpi. x'DD Ja sit toki, nolasin jo itseni, minulla on blogi. Huhuh. Kuullostaa tyhmälle.

Huomenna tulee olemaan Englannin valtakunnallinen, enkä yhtään tiedä jos jaksaisin edes raahautua sinne tekemään sitä, mutta kait on pakko. Blööh. Aivan perseestä koko valtakunnallinen. Miksi edes sillaisia pidetään?? Ei saisi ikinä verrata toisia oppilaita keskenään. Ainakin tätä mieltä itse olen.

Mutta kuitenkin, tässä oli hieman jotain pientä mitä halusin kirjoittaa ennen kuin menin tästä nukkumaan :))

Stay tuned~

– JB