love yourself?

One of the hardest parts for me what I have to struggle everyday with: Self accpetance. 

Is it just like that and then you have accpeted yourself and all the lacks you have? No, I don't think so. I feel ugly. I feel stupid. And the worst of all, I feel like a complete slut for trying to be someone else than I am. I just want to be beautiful, okay? For example, today, I have been looking for clothes I would be wearing at the next meeting of ours, but I haven't found anything. I have went thru my closet of all clothse and everything, but no... Nothing. So I will go downtown quickly and try to find one white long sleeved shirt for my clothing for Saturday, but I doubt that it won't satisfy my feelings about my looks.

My hair looks stupid. My face looks stupid and the worst of all: My body. I hate it. I just would love to cut my body into pieces and die. Honestly. Why can't I be pretty and thin as my sisters for example??

Sorry about this, but I felt like to want to write it down... No matter how much make-up I have on, or how much I would stand in front of the mirror and try to make myself look somewhat beautiful... I always fail. Every single time.And it feels like people are just lying to me about my looks and tells me I'm pretty, but that's the thing, I'm not. 

Some people just can't be beautiful. Someone has to be the ugly fuck in a family and friendships, and it just happens to be me. So be happy that you're blessed and is more attractive than I am.

But anyway... Somewhat feels already better that I got the chance to write my thoughts down about my looks and body, it really helped me a lot... Now I just need to wait until my hair gets some length, and that I would have enough money to buy shoes and one white long sleeved shirt for Saturday...

I really wish that saturday will be okay, since I'm not in a way too good mood or emotionally stabile at the moment, it's so much going on and it just feels like no one really understands how it can feel like that you try to desperately find something what you can't have. And for me it is: Beauty.

JB